Today I’m going to ask you four questions to kick start your thinking about meaningful new year’s resolutions. Yes, it’s that time of year already, but if you are listening to this at a different time, or you prefer to think about new years resolutions as goals, then these questions will still be really helpful for you when you are pausing to reflect, and coming up with new ideas on what might be next for you. Here we go.

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The New Year

Today is actually the final 2024 episode for the Live an Intentional Life podcast- don’t worry, I’ll be back at the very start of 2025 to help you set your meaningful new year’s resolutions, but I wanted to use this episode to help plant the seed for those goals now.

This episode is all about four questions you can ask yourself now to prepare for setting new goals in the new year. Of course, you can set goals at any time, you can start any time of year, at any time of the month, and at any age – you don’t ever have to wait. But there’s something about a new year that feels like a fresh start or a blank slate. There is also this beautiful time, my favourite week of the year, between Christmas and New Years, where no one is doing very much, you don’t really know what day it is, and you don’t have many commitments, and it’s the perfect time to pause, reflect on the year and celebrate, and then look forward to what another year might bring. So I want to help you get your creative juices flowing and ask you four questions that will help you to move through this process of reflection and then coming up with new ideas and planning for the future, and I’m hoping that they are questions that are a little less common in the context of goals and new years resolutions.

Your First Question

Where in my life am I doing things because I think I SHOULD? This question is about the word SHOULD, and I want you to consider where in your life you have obligations. Where are these obligations coming from? Write a list of the things you’re doing in a given week that are or feel like an obligation. And have a closer look at the list. Are they really things that need to be done by YOU? Are they absolutely non-negotiables, or is there some wiggle room here in getting help or doing things in a different way? Is the obligation something that is coming from someone else, and do you really have to follow it? Is the obligation something that you are putting pressure on yourself to do, and is this necessary? Make sure that you’re doing these things intentionally, and not because of a general feeling that it’s something you ‘should’ be doing.

Cultural Differences

Now, there is a flip side to this. A lot of things we think of as obligations might be able to be done differently, so you can be doing more of what you enjoy. HOWEVER, there is another way to get around this. Different cultures look at obligations differently, and one way to doing more of what you enjoy is to reframe the meaning behind what you are doing. Rather than seeing obligations as inconvenient, or as a chore, or as something to feel resentful about, try reframing the reason why you are doing the obligation. If your reason for doing these tasks align with your values, or it’s rewarding in some way, then you can start to see and believe these tasks to be more fulfilling and enjoyable.

There is of course a lot of documentation around this idea of cultural differences in obligation, and there is one study by Buchtel and colleagues in 2018 that compared Western European heritage culture with Confucian heritage culture, and looked at the differences in agency and obligation. In this article, the researchers discuss that we’re not always free to choose a lot of our obligations, and so seeing them as things you want to be doing make the activities more greatly associated with positive emotions rather than negative ones. So in other words, finding a reason like because it helps the collective group, or because you want to contribute to society, or because it is good or moral behaviour. So I think the takeaway here is to be clear with yourself about the reasons why you are doing something, and not just be doing something because it’s automatic, or a habit, or because of a general sense of obligation that isn’t really coming from anywhere.

The Second Question

The second question I want you to have a think about when setting meaningful new year’s resolutions is: What can I acknowledge or recognise inside myself that I am proud of?

So often we are taking care of others, and looking towards the future about what’s next, and downplaying our contribution, and moving onto the next task, that we forget to stop and recognise our good efforts. And rather than just focusing on the tasks you have done or achieved, what qualities in yourself can you highlight and really pat yourself on the back for? We don’t actually have control of the outcomes of our actions, and while we can try really hard at something, sometimes it just doesn’t work out, and so if you are feeling disappointment about something, or feeling worried about the direction that something is headed, try to bring the focus back to the qualities that you have that you are proud of. Maybe you made decisions in line with your integrity. Maybe you were really creative in thinking of new ideas or strategies. Or maybe you stayed really kind in the face of a challenge. Take a moment to recognise those things inside yourself, and really have it soak in, and this will help to build resilience, because these are tools that you can draw on in times of stress.

The Third Question for Meaningful New Years Resolutions

The next question is to ask yourself: What is it that brings me true fulfillment? I’ve actually been reading some research on happiness, and one of the key takeaways has been that we as humans are not always striving for happiness, nor should we. Happiness is just one of the many many emotions in our emotional rainbow, and it would be impossible to keep increasing the time we spend being happy. The focus in the positive psychology literature tends to be more on general wellbeing, and being content. When we stop to think about fulfillment and wellbeing, we are actually talking about fulfillment of our needs. When our needs are fulfilled, then we improve our general wellbeing.

Types of Needs

So, what are your needs? All humans have the same needs, but different people prioritise different needs, so it’s important to stop and ask yourself in this season, what need could be more filled? What can I do to fill that need and bring more fulfillment?

There is a unified model of human needs by Pincus from 2022, and I’ll list the 12 needs here. They are listed in opposite pairs, with the two ends of the spectrum represented, here they are:

Fulflling Potential & Limitation

Authenticity & Conformity

Safety & Anxiety

Success & Failure

Immersion & Stagnation

Autonomy & Disempowerment

Recognition & Indifference

Caring & Uncaring

Inclusion & Exclusion

Higher Purpose & Materialism

Ethics & Wrongdoing

Justice & Injustice

So have a think about this list and what might be important ones for you.

One thing to note here, is that if you are having trouble for some reason with being able to do something in particular that you really love (for example, you didn’t get the job you wanted, or you are looking for a life partner and haven’t found them yet), then think about what need that is fulfilling, and see if you can fulfill that need in a different way for the time being, and then still make a goal for that thing that is more important to you.

The Forth and Final Question

The fourth and final question is: What would I do if I knew I WOULD fail? Now this is different to the more common question of “what would you do if you knew you could not fail,” and it’s something that I heard from the writer Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic (and I have an affiliate link for her book which I’ll put in the shownotes)- she talks about failure as inevitable, and accepting that there will be low points and disappointments and failures no matter what path you choose – so, knowing that, what are you still going to say yes to, even if you know you will fail? For me, this is about knowing that there is no destination, it’s all about the journey, everything you choose to do in life is about the daily journey, not some unknown outcome or measure of success. So what is it that you want to spend your time doing?

Recap the Four Questions for Meaningful New Year’s Resolutions

So to recap those four questions, they are

Where in my life am I doing things because I think I SHOULD?

What can I acknowledge or recognise inside myself that I am proud of?

What is it that brings me true fulfillment?

and What would I do if I knew I WOULD fail?

Remember, this is your preparation for goal setting around the new year period, and I’m going to be back then after a little break with the next episode. This a little bit of a cliffhanger episode so that you can mull over these questions and your answers between now and the end of the year, and of course if you’re listening to this episode later, you can just jump straight to the next episode where I’m going to cover how to make meaningful new years resolutions that you can actually achieve. You can take a pen and paper and start writing the answers to these questions now, or you can let them sit in your mind until the next episode comes out and you can work through them both together.

I’m going to leave it there for you, happy holidays, and I’ll remind you that Mary Oliver said “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” See you next time!

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If you are ready to take the next step and go all in on crafting the life of your dreams, join my online time management course TIMEWISE. You’ll learn how to stop the hustle, sort out your priorities, and harness the power of your brain to plan your days.

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References mentioned in the show:

Grab my favourite book, Big Magic, using my Amazon Affiliate link (where I get a small commission): https://amzn.to/3BErYxk

Buchtel, E. E., Ng, L. C., Norenzayan, A., Heine, S. J., Biesanz, J. C., Chen, S. X., Bond, M. H., Peng, Q., & Su, Y. (2018). A sense of obligation: Cultural differences in the experience of obligation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(11), 1545-1566.

Pincus, J. D. (2023). Well-being as need fulfillment: implications for theory, methods, and practice. Integrative Psychological and Behavioral Science, 1-39.